February 1, 2009

Now what?

Now that I'm done (as of this morning) reading Julie & Julia, I feel a surge of ridiculously misdirected motivation. Yes, the whole point of it was that the woman was looking for a purpose - a reason to keep getting up in the morning. She was a temp, for christ's sake. She really needed a reason. I really didn't expect to see that much of myself in her, but I did. Like we were the same person.

"But you're a college student going to school for a specific purpose", you might say. Allegedly, I say. I should want to get up in the morning. I should already be motivated. I should have a plan. But I don't. Well, in a loose sort of sense I do. For school, for work, for my career. Now, I know that those are all big things, but they are somehow belittled by the question of what I want out of life in a more metaphysical sense. Not just what I'm doing physically, but what I'm thinking, what I want to feel about myself.
And what I've learned from Julie Powell (and especially from Julia Child) is that I want Joy. It seems like such a stupid sentiment when you write down (even more ridiculous when you say it out loud), but it's true. Joy. I really want it, and I'm not sure how to get it, but I want to try.

And... well... it worked for Julie. Could it work for me? I'm not sure I could handle Mastering the Art of French Cooking, and I'm not sure I could do it all in a year, but I do have a book that's been staring at me rather pointedly these days, and I've been wanting to hear that spine creak the way it always does when I open it. The Pie & Pastry Bible. Not unlike MtAoFC, The Bible is not viewed by the culinary world as the Cookbook to End All Cookbooks. It does not contain every recipe ever. But it is essential. The pastry world would not be the same without it.
Julia didn't take her first cooking class until she was 37. Julie knew that joy was a hard thing to find. Together they inspired me to do something totally ridiculous: bake my way through The Bible. I don't know how long it will take, and I have no idea how many times I will want to cry and quit, but I really want to try. I'm going to give myself until graduation.
I'm sure that's way less time than I'll need. But I'm doing it, not just for Julia, but for me, too.

1 comment:

Casey said...

So... you've just now figured out you want joy in your life?

I guess we've got some work to do on ya