Happy Place

It kills me that if I dressed up as Irene Dunne for Halloween nobody would know who I was.  

What's everyone else dressing up as?

Oh and I watched "Penny Serenade" on netflix last night.  It was incredible.

"I like the part where she has her A machines on the table and her B machines on the floor"

I posted a few songs about this band back in May (whoa, why did I think that was like... way more recent??) but here's another one that I heard on the radio today.  Because Nic Harcourt now takes his music listening cues from yours truly.  Just kidding... not really.  But seriously sick beats, it was fun to crank up in the car.  I felt super mexican for like 3 and a half minutes.

The Do

I think I feel shitty?

Is it possible to not be quite sure about whether you're depressed or not?  I used to feel like one day you're fine and then the next you're just laying on the bathroom floor looking at the lint stuck in the showermat.  But I don't think that's how it works.  I think it's gradual.

Is it possible to be underwhelmed and overwhelmed at the same time?  Like, ohmygod I have so much stuff to do... but... does it really matter?

What good will it do?  What difference does it make?  If I'm so far away from my goals how will this one thing help?  How will it even make a dent in the hugeness of everything?

I don't sleep anymore.  At all.  I don't have enough energy to go out, and I'm never really exhausted enough to pass out, so I just lay and think.  Or stare.

I've been trying to read lately but it's been really hard, exceptionally hard, to get through things.  I've picked up so many different books, read 4 chapters, and then put them down again.  What do I want?  It isn't scifi, it isn't mystery, or romance, or political intrigue, or history.  Of everything, I feel like books are the easiest way to gauge a person - how they're feeling, their energy, ambitiousness, diversity.  Literally nothing is appealing to me right now, not even re-reads which can usually get me back into the swing of things.  Right now I'm reading One Hundred Years of Solitude and it's been kind of a struggle.  I'm about halfway through, and I like it - probably not as much s I would in different circumstances, but what can you do?  I feel like I just need this one accomplishment to pull me out of this, just one thing to be able to say "YES.  I started this thing and now I have finished it.  Because I can complete shit when I want to."

Of course, not everything is falling to pieces.  A certain little puppy has been brightening my days and literally taking up 100% of my home time, but it's a job I'm happy to have.

Taken 2 minutes ago:

Use book as a scale, because he really is tiny for what will one day become a giant dog.

Happy Place, but feeling strangely lonely in that place

Happy Place

Betty Draper is, as a rule, generally pretty insane.  

But for a brief moment one insignificant afternoon she was a total BADASS.  And that is why Mad Men is the best show on tv.

I STARTED AN AMAZON.COM SELLER ACCOUNT YESTERDAY AND I ALREADY SOLD TWO THINGS

This is why I love America.  One woman's trash... is another woman's slightly used statistics book.

The only thing that sucks is that I posted the second listing as a Hardcover w/CD and actually there is no CD, so... I emailed the chick (UCSB?) and hopefully she gets back to me soon (as in tomorrow morning) because she wanted a 2 day delivery.  And hopefully she still wants it... I mean, you really don't need a CD for a stats class.  Who uses them anyways?  Especially if you're the kind of person who gets their books off of amazon during the second week of school... right?

The hitch in my second order does not detract from how awesome I feel right now, however.



ME:

Things I did today:

1.  put all of danielles shit in boxes.
2.  moved all of her furniture into the center of her room.
3.  bought paint at home depot and primered the walls.
4.  opened an amazon.com selling account and listed some books.
5.  SOLD a book.  For 40 bucks!
6.  tried to find another 24x36 poster to hang beside my casablanca one above my bed.  not a lot of options, though.
7.  felt badass because of all the stuff I did!

I just want to get a cat. And be a baby.

"I have friends who had a baby and they sent me pictures and, I don't know if you know this, but you swaddle your baby up so they can't move their arms... and they just lay, like this.  And anyways my friend send me a picture and the kid was laying like this and there was just a cat right there and I'm like, 'I wanna have a fuckin' baby, I do.  I wanna have a baby."  And I was like, oh, my biological clock kicked in!  So I picked up my cell phone, I'd just gone to get a frozen yogurt, and I called my friend and I'm like, 'I think I want a baby..' and he's like, 'well, what are you doing right now?' and I'm like, 'oh, I don't know, I'm just wandering.  I went to get a frozen yogurt,' and he's like, 'well, you can't do that when you have a baby,' and I'm like, 'fuck that'.  Like, I can't get a frozen yogurt??..  Maybe I just wanna be a baby.  I would just love to lay on a couch, and with a cat?  Are you kidding me?  That's like the best thing that I ever heard of."

RIP Patricia Neal